Fight For It

My life will change in the next month. Well really this year.

My first book, Shaken, releases February 4. The second book is due to the publisher at the same time. I should be moving and grooving. Should be making plans, dreaming big, marketing, promoting, and all around enjoying this crazy fun answer to prayer and success of my dream. And I am.

But I'm terrified. Self-doubt cripples my creativity. Time marches on, creating apathy. There just aren't enough hours in the day. And I just can't do it.

Man, that's the evil one. I have to fight. Fight because this is more than a dream. It's a calling. Fight because even if it impacts one, it is well worth it. Fight because others need to know that the Lord answers prayer in crazy ways beyond our imaginations. I couldn't have dreamed for this exact outcome. I must fight. And I'm reminded of the picture in Psalm 34 that the righteous are as bold as a lion.

Because of that, I will develop the heart of a warrior like the characters in my book. I will remember who I am, whose I am, and where this dream came from. I'll remember I'm not doing this alone. And I'll remember I have a whole team of loved ones fighting with me against discouragement and apathy.

Most of all, I'll remember that success in the world's eyes is not the standard of success in God's eyes. So, I'll fight to be faithful to that which He has called me to. Here's to my next great adventure!

Linking up with Five Minute Friday!

Erasing Your Excuses

In high school, my band director erased "can't" from my vocabulary. We were a championship band, first in the state for 4A high schools. He delighted in giving us the most challenging routines and music while watching us rise to the occasion and tolerated nothing less than our absolute best, knowing that our greatest potential often lay just below our valid but weak excuses.

I remember more than one occasion, trying and trying to get a note set correct and failing miserably (in front of people by the way). After the fifth time, I quit trying.

"I can't do it."

"I'm sorry, what?"

"I can't do it, Mr. C."

"I don't understand that word. Try again."

It's amazing what you come up with when that word isn't an option. I'm having trouble. This is hard. How in the world do I do this? I don't know how. But not one of those gives me the option to stop trying. And every excuse carries with it the opportunity to discover a new journey in the struggle.

He never let me quit in the classroom or on the marching field. Slow down, sure. Take each note one finger at a time, yep. But NEVER quit. Because he knew I could if I set my mind to it, no matter the challenge.

Success lay just below the "I can'ts" just waiting to come to fruition with the acknowledgment of "I can…somehow." And that lesson has shaped my writing journey. Rejections became detours. "Can'ts" became other challenges to conquer. I determined that I wanted it much more than I feared it.

I go much farther when I purge the excuses from my system and just try. I've never seen anyone who valiantly attempted ever epically fail. They just find a better option to pursue as they try again.

Talent and giftedness may come naturally to a point. But success as a result of those abilities NEVER comes without hard work and a willingness to push past rejection, defeat, and redirection. As soon as you purge the excuses, the talent blooms, and it's only a matter of time before others outside your circle begin to notice.

Where do you need to erase "can't" from your vocabulary?

Five Minute Friday - Wings and Roots

Joining a flash mob of writers over at Lisa-Jo's for Five Minute Friday. Today's word?

FLY

It's a season of growing pains. Of feeling so uncomfortable in my own skin that I want to crawl out and escape and then realizing that's exactly what I have to do to be free.

My inclination is to run. To hop a plane and fly out of here to some exotic destination unknown where my only responsibility is exploring, adventure, discovery. To get deliciously lost on some back road or in a culture I've never been exposed to before.

But that's not my calling. My shoes have cement and the people around me stand strong. They refuse to let me run. Because running, flying, would be easy. Roots are tough and familiar all at once. And blooming from those roots, even tougher.

My book comes out in just over two months, and I'm terrified. And excited. And amazed. And...too many emotions to fully understand or identify. All I know is God is good. But that's my heart on the page, lined up for critic and friend to love or abuse in the most intimate way. It's a piece of me never seen before.

And with it, these growing pains tug me from my skin, push me to meet people I'd never consider, write from my heart, raw and real. And I'm learning to fly in the midst of a season of stretching.

Because vulnerability comes at the cost of losing our shell. And I'm learning to soar in the midst of my fear, becoming more me than ever. And I'm learning that the best part about this season is the ability to grow wings and soar while maintaining my roots, the core that makes me beautifully who God made me. No matter where I may fly, I know where to return if I ever begin to lose myself.

What Makes Me Love Jesus More

I'm convinced that smog doesn't just clog the air of Dallas, Texas. It clogs my mind as well. The constant fast pace, emails, and traffic soundtrack leave my brain frazzled and desperate for a quiet place.

More than ever, this year I've discovered that escaping the city to the great outdoors makes me love Jesus more. I can't even explain the joy that fills me when I get outside the high rises. It's pretty bad when a writer is short on words. But without fail, I understand the words of Jesus that He came to give us life to the full (John 10:10). My heart is full, my joy uncontained. I want to dance, sing praise to my Creator, have a conversation with someone I love, write and let my passion spill on the page.

My job is to create. Maybe that's why I relate best in my Creator's handiwork. I see the beauty that I wish I could capture in words. I see the natural way of things, without the glitz and glam of advertisements attempting to sell a product. I see the sunset, the light filter through the trees, the color of the leaves, and I'm home.

As my wheels beat a path away from Dallas or I take flight in a 747 to some pre-planned location, the burden lifts. Idaho stole my heart a few weeks ago as I took walks, went on a hike, and spent hours outside gathered around heaters with chili and fun conversation. This time outside my routine refreshed my soul.

I understand a little more why Jesus escaped the crowds and the city to get alone with God in the wilderness (Mark 1:35). Can you imagine what it looked like back then? No trash. No pollution. No mark of humanity. Just nature in all its raw beauty. I imagine He felt close to his Father as I feel when I escape for just a brief time. I find that on my way back, my heart finds a new sense of peace to make war in the city God has placed me in. I'm prepared. I'm learning the quiet doesn't come from outer stimulation but inner contentment, the peace that passes understanding because I know who I am and who my King is (Philippians 4:7).

So, I hit the big city, and I'm no longer a slave to my outlook calendar and smart phone clock. I'm a servant of the King making the most of every opportunity.

And I'm more in love with Jesus than when I left.

What makes you love Jesus more?

Shaken Cover Reveal and Release Date

After years of working on this project, I am very excited to announce that it's almost a reality! Shaken, book 1 in the Heart of a Warrior series, hits shelves and e-readers on February 4, 2014.

Shaken is the story of a Kaylan Richards, a young woman who gives up her childhood dreams for a calling to go to Haiti. After a few short weeks, she falls in love with the people, but then the earthquake strikes. Left to pick up pieces of broken lives, Kaylan wrestles with the goodness of God as she returns home to Alabama. But she never counted on Navy SEAL, Nick Carmichael. Can Nick show Kaylan the God who never abandoned her or will the earthquake shake even the most rooted faith?

I can't wait to share the story of Kaylan and Nick, a story of brokenness, hope, and love. And you may even discover that I'm a bit of a closet romantic.

You can pre-order now on Amazon.

Imagination Gone Wild

Linking up with other writer's at Lisa-Jo's today for today's word...

Imagine

I dream in color. Active imagination is an understatement for me. There are moments that I have to separate the daydreams from the memories. Each moment is vividly real to me...or could be.

When I write, the movie reel in my head comes to life on paper. The characters become people I can touch. I know their history, their names, their pain, and their joy. I imagine what it would be like to walk in their shoes.

I was that kid who found something creative in the tracks left by water drops on my car window. I see an analogy in a cotton field or a top hat in the clouds. I imagine God in a smock painting each sunset as it fades to black. I imagine the incredible possibilities and potential of some of my friends.

I imagine all the time. Too much. Not enough. I imagine someday and tomorrow. What could have been or what could be.

But the imagining becomes "what ifs" when not paired with His perfect plan. This crazy brain of mine came tailor made at the hands of the God who created all we see. I imagine what God can do, because I know He's bigger than my imaginings or my feelings or my plans. My guess is that my imaginings amuse Him at times, and He's just sitting up there saying, "Oh, sweetheart, I have something so much better in mind. Just you wait and see."

Five Minute Friday - After

On Friday's, I join with others over at Lisa-Jo's to write purely for the love of the craft. Today's word?

AFTER

There are only a few times in my life where I have wondered, "What comes next?"

I don't want to wish my life away. My word for this year is SAVOR, and I truly want to savor every moment. But somehow, I am swept away, wondering.

What comes AFTER this?

It's the taste of the unknown. Once this crazy work season is over, once the edits are finished, once I can breathe...then what?

And I just don't know.

And I don't know that I need to. After is an unwrapped gift, beautiful, new, and bursting with possibilities. And somehow it's mine. The Lord has wrapped it just for me. I can't open it yet, but I wonder and I wait with anticipation. His gifts are never shoddy, never second hand. They are tailor made for the recipient.

After is my world of possibilities - a white water rafting trip, my best friend's wedding, summer days at the pool, a new book, new people to meet.

There's something new about spring. There's something crazy about this season. And there's something exciting about the unknown of AFTER. Here's to this adventure and the one to come...

Crazy Lesson 6: My Best is my Version of Perfection

I'm learning lessons in a crazy season...

Lesson 6: Rough seasons and decisions are mountains to climb, not hills to die on.

I have often read the quote, "It's not a bad life, just a bad day." Well my life isn't a bad anything. Some days are more frustrating than others. Some days are incredibly sweet and fulfilling. It is a choice to find joy in both, and that is an ongoing challenge for me.

With this busy season at work, with responsibilities, friends and family, and my book deadline looming, it is so easy to lose sight of the blessings. It is also easy to strive so hard for perfection that the details become tiny hills I live or die by instead of mountains I climb over and move past.

I will often look at my work and be disappointed, not because it isn't done well, but because I feel like I didn't do enough. Man, is this a lie that I have to move past. I can't and never will be perfect. I also can't and never need to EXPECT perfection.

I wrote a lot of short stories in college, and to this day, when I go to reread them, I STILL find typos. I've probably read them 20 times. Epic fail. I've wondered why my professors didn't fail me, but they looked past the tiny mistakes to the heart of the story. That was where I poured my effort and my soul. That's what they chose to grade and reward, which I greatly appreciate. There is something to be said for the area where I need to improve, but there is much more to be said for doing my absolute best, being satisfied with that, and then continually striving to grow and improve.

Application: Perfection isn't an option, but my best can be my own version of perfection. And that's good enough for me...for now.

Five Minute Friday - Broken

It's time for Five Minute Friday where a flash mob of writers join to write purely for the joy of it and then share our thoughts over at Lisa-Jo's.

I think I'm broken.

No. I know I am.

I'm a people-pleaser, a mess of insecurities stitched together with good intentions. I can't sleep at night because I'm constantly thinking of what all has to be done. I over-commit and sometimes under-deliver. I don't have the right words. I pretend to be tough when I'm falling apart inside. I struggle with entitlement and pride.

I have Christmas decorations that have been on my floor since December. My clothes are piled on my sister's bed, transforming it into a second closet. I'm a neat freak who is too tired to care.

I give in too easily, sometimes sacrificing what I want for the sake of peace. Some nights I would rather stay in and watch a movie than go out with friends. I suffer from a massive fear of failure, of not being good enough. I like to speed and constantly pray I won't get caught...while maintaining my pace. And even now, I feel this post is a little too vulnerable, too raw.

But I can't leave it there. Neither can I brag about my strengths or "attractive qualities." I didn't come by them honestly. Like Michelangelo's David, I'm a scarred piece of marble in need of refinement.

He picks me up daily. Humbles me through those around me. He steadies me when my brain feels like mush. He inspires me when I have nothing left to spit out on the page. He reminds me...constantly....that He's holding me. He has a plan.

My mess is His message. My brokenness is His beautiful canvas. So I boast in it. I'm a perfectionist who needs the artistic strokes of the master Creator to turn me into a masterpiece. Slowly, but surely, He is molding me. Refining every rough edge. Pulling me out of the fire and sticking me back in again because He can't quite see His image yet.

But one day, this broken woman will gleam. I just have a few spots left at the moment.

Crazy Lesson 4: Passion Fuels Motivation

Learning lessons in the middle of a crazy season...

Lesson 4: Passion fuels motivation.

My brain is usually going 90 miles to nothing. The past month, that is actually a slow estimate. Work deadlines, book deadlines, spending time with family and friends, church responsibilities, and who knows what else constantly keep me on the move.

So when I actually have some down time, I don't want to do ANYTHING. My version of a break is giving my mind something creative to enjoy, specifically something that my brain didn't work to create.

Last weekend, in the middle of work responsibilities, I actually stopped. I slept A LOT. I researched the Navy SEALs for my second book. I love watching stories about these silent heroes who so often don't want credit. They see their job as a duty and a calling.

I drank hot tea, emailed people to endorse my book, finished reading a book, and enjoyed some alone time and time with the Lord. Despite being on my second seven-day work week, I feel more energized and motivated.

Application: Create margin to take care of yourself so you can be more effective and love well in other areas of life.

I very rarely take time for myself because of my schedule. I haven't finished a book since before Christmas and have only sporadically written in my journal. Hello, I'm a writer. Those things help me grow. I have to create margin in my life to fill my tank, or I won't be able to pour into people or give my best at work or with my writing. I'll be surviving instead of thriving. 

I'm learning to make margin for my relationships and for myself. In a crazy life season, that is not a quick fix, but it's coming slowly, and I'm learning that the things that fuel my passion fuel me the rest of the week. Speaking of which, back to work...

Journey to Publication

It's official!!! After months of staying quiet about a potential contract, I have officially signed, dated, and mailed my 3 book contract with Charisma House.

Looking back on this journey, it is truly marked with the fingerprints of God's faithfulness.

- Rejected from grad school (spring 2009)
- Spent a year subbing and reapplying
- Lord closed the doors
- Moved back to Dallas in May 2010
- Met a writer and began attending a monthly writing group in June 2010
- Signed up for a local writing conference
- Last person admitted to the Fiction Writing Clinic
- Had to have 3 chapters for clinic, so I picked a story idea and wrote 3 chapters which later turned into this book!!
- Invited to join the Christian Writer's Guild Craftsman program
- Last person admitted to class
- Began in December 2010 with my mentor, DiAnn Mills

- Went to a conference in February 2011 and met with interested agents and editors, including one from Charisma House (who later instigated this deal)
- Went to a residency with Jerry B. Jenkins, DiAnn Mills, and Doc Hensley in April 2011
- Finished the manuscript by September  2011 and began A LOT of edits
- Finished the class in December - the exact education I would have received in grad school with the benefit of a Christian mentor and author
- Went back to February conference in 2012. Met my agent and the editor from the previous conference
-Signed with Sarah Joy Freese through WordServe Literary Agency in Spring 2012
- Submitted A LOT of manuscripts
- Began talking to Charisma House at the end of October 2012
- Received a letter of intent from Charisma House in November
- Signed the contract for a 3 book deal on January 14, 2013
- First manuscript due on February 1, 2013!!!

There was a time at the end of 2009 where I really questioned the Lord's goodness and sovereignty. I was doing good things and involved and growing. Why didn't He choose to bless me according to my plans? Good grief, if I knew the journey He would take me on over the past 3 years, I never would have doubted. His ways are not my ways, and His thoughts are not mine. They are light years better!

Looking back at this journey, I cannot claim credit for ANY of it. He orchestrated every step! Over the course of the last few years, my life verse has become Psalm 46:10, "Be still and know that I am God, I will be exalted in the nations, I will be exalted in the earth." Being still didn't mean passively standing by. I constantly prayed that the Lord would align my heart with His, and then I moved forward in faith. He doesn't promise to give us what we want. He does promise to use us if we are obedient and faithful, and again, that isn't always in a way that is comfortable. But He gets so much glory!!

I pray that you stick with me as the Lord continues to craft my story here. I can't wait to share sneak peaks and updates as we move toward publication in January 2014!!

Silent Vigil

Family Christmas’ in Chama, NM

Peering out the window, the glass

foggy from my breath, I spot

the peaks of the San Juan Mountains

in the distance, shrouded by

a wintry haze. Cottonwoods

stretch their branches in

the field across the cement

lot. I follow the icy

tufts as they fall, twirling

and fluttering to thicken

the frosty blanket covering

the ground where

crunching leaves no longer

sound. Fire toasting my back

begs to melt the ground

outside the window, smeared

from my fingers clearing the

view. Outside, my wooden friends

bend and shudder under the

imposing burden of snowflakes

and ice. Their bark, dry and cracked,

reaches upward, clawing,

begging, pleading, praying for relief,

warmth, and for budding blossoms

to form a green shaggy

mane on barren limbs. What diligence

it must take to praise their Creator

unconditionally, arms stretched

upwards towards an ivory

dusted sky.

Written January 27, 2009

Stones of Remembrance 2012

Where did 2012 go? It has truly been a year of surprises, answered prayer, and major transition. Because of all the hits on last year's reflection post, I decided to continue the trend.

In the Bible, stacked stones often represent a memorial or altar intended to remind people of God's faithfulness in a specific circumstance. In Joshua 4, the Israelites finally inherit the land promised to them by the Lord.
 
"And Joshua set up at Gilgal the twelve stones they had taken out of the Jordan. He said to the Israelites, “In the future when your descendants ask their parents, ‘What do these stones mean?’ tell them, ‘Israel crossed the Jordan on dry ground.’ For the LORD your God dried up the Jordan before you until you had crossed over. The LORD your God did to the Jordan what he had done to the Red Sea when he dried it up before us until we had crossed over. He did this so that all the peoples of the earth might know that the hand of the LORD is powerful and so that you might always fear the LORD your God." 

As I reflect back on the past year, I have my own stones of remembrance: moments that shaped me, lessons that changed me, people who influenced me, and a God who never left me. As we usher in the new year, I hope you will join me in looking back on 2012 by celebrating and marking with stones of remembrance all the Lord has done. If you don't know my Jesus, there will be no better way to bring in the new year than to allow Him to be Lord of your life.

Stone 1: At my conference in February, I met with multiple agents and editors to find a good fit for my manuscript. Mission accomplished. I signed a contract with WordServe Literary Agency this year and have the privilege of working with Sarah Joy Freese. What a blessing!

Stone 2: New job. Once again, I began a new job this year. Last year, I had the incredible privilege to nanny a little girl who made me smile more than I thought possible. But that time came to a close for both of us. In February, I accepted the position as writer for for the communications ministry at First Baptist Dallas. It has truly been a learning experience. My job has morphed and taken on new responsibilities, but God has been so good here. 

Stone 3: Haiti bound. In May, I spent a week in Haiti with a great team from my young adults ministry. I fell in love with the people, with Mission of Hope, and left challenged and encouraged by what the Lord is doing there. I can't wait to go back!

Stone 4: Reunited and it feels so good. In August, I flew to Missouri to see my best friend for the first time in over two years. The trip was an absolute blessing. I am still in awe of how the Lord has consistently knit our hearts together while states away. She is now engaged, and I look forward to standing with her at her wedding in 2013.

Stone 5: Mended relationships. I was ready to quit community, and the Lord restored beyond what I could have imagined. I learned much about the power of prayer, about dealing with conflict, and about authenticity.

Stone 6: Renewed team work. My young adults team took a weekend retreat to pray, cast a new vision, and have fun with one another. I am incredibly grateful to be part of this ministry. The Lord has used my team to soften my heart, increase my boldness, ignite a passion to serve, and push me to love Him more.

Stone 7: New car. I am officially an adult! This was another mark of the Lord's faithfulness in prayer. I paid exactly what I could, found the make and model I wanted, found a "new" used car, and even found my favorite color. The Lord's timing is perfect, and I am almost finished paying it off!

Stone 8: My brother graduated! I'm so proud of his hard work and business direction.  I'm also excited that he moved back to Dallas. Now I get to spend even more time with him.

Stone 9: Beautiful holidays. Over the course of Thanksgiving and Christmas, I was able to spend time with both sides of my family. My uncle and aunt are both cancer-free this year! My granddad survived a wreck and was able to celebrate with us. My cousin got married, and his new bride spent her first Christmas with the whole family. My other granddad made it out of the hospital just in time to celebrate our Savior's birth. And...it was a white Christmas. There is much to thank the Lord for this holiday season.

Stone 10: This year, the Lord taught me a great lesson in what it looks like to live abundantly. Haiti changed my mindset. Work became a tool and opportunity to both influence and be influenced. My friends changed my heart and taught me what it looks like to live in authentic community. I experienced adventure, challenge, and transition. It has been a year of growing, of spending my time on things that matter, and of learning to say no and rest when necessary. I learned a lot about dreams and obedience to the Lord. I learned that my dreams are subject to change and all for His glory.

So many exciting things are already on the calendar for 2013 - lots of travel, weddings, work craziness, and a big announcement! Stay tuned! Follow me on Facebook and twitter. Join this site. If nothing else, pray and grow with me this year as we anticipate the big things the Lord desires to do in your life and mine! 

Happy New Year from Texas! May God richly bless you no matter what comes in 2013.

Kariss