Fun. "Some Nights" Defines a Generation

In the mornings, I typically avoid chatter on the radio at all costs, so I channel surf. Many times, I land on one of the pop or alternative stations. The lyrics are catchy. The music is addicting. And the artists are the walking dead.

Yeah, you read that right.

Fun.'s "Some Nights" describes my generation perfectly, and the lyrics reverberate in my head. Driving through a small Texas town last weekend, a convertible full of 20-somethings raced by with this song blaring through the square. My heart sank.

Photo Credit: The Porch at Watermark

"What do I stand for? Most nights I don't know." What an empty lyric. What a heartfelt cry of a generation for something, anything of meaning. The perception is that good doesn't get you anywhere and life is full of heartbreak that can have a beautiful outcome, but it's rare and faint.

Oh, how I hurt for my generation, many who grew up in split homes with an absent father.

The generation more comfortable with living together before marriage than marrying because they have seen the heartache of ugly divorce.

The generation who still hasn't quite grown up because adults were absent in many of our lives as children.

The generation that has a desire to make a difference but often lacks the commitment.

The generation driven by passion which often drives us to painful addictions.

The generation in desperate need of purpose, worth, and meaning,

A generation who needs to know that their Heavenly Father loves them, and wants to take their passions and use them for His glory.

A generation of "accidental" parents who forget that a quick fix to a surprise pregnancy has future consequences.

My heart breaks, and this song perfectly defines us. Oh, how we need Jesus. Imagine if this passion, this desire, this incredible urge to make a difference and be something was met by a relationship with Jesus. Man, Gen Y could change the world.

It looks so overwhelming when I look at my generation as a whole. But when I focus on sharing the gospel and pouring into one at a time, I see hearts changed and passion whole-heartedly pursuing a God-sized calling. We are changing the world. We are shaking our generation. Maybe one day, it will have a lasting impact.

Some of the lyrics from Fun.'s "Some Nights"...

This is it, boys, this is war - what are we waiting for?


Why don't we break the rules already?


I was never one to believe the hype - save that for the black and white


I try twice as hard and I'm half as liked, 

but here they come again to jack my style



And that's alright; I found a martyr in my bed tonight


She stops my bones from wondering just who I am, 

who I am, who I am


Oh, who am I? Oh, who am I? mmm... mmm...



Well, Some nights, I wish that this all would end


Cause I could use some friends for a change


And some nights, I'm scared you'll forget me again

Some nights, I always win, I always win...



But I still wake up, I still see your ghost


Oh Lord, I'm still not sure what I stand for, oh


What do I stand for? What do I stand for?


Most nights, I don't know... (come on)



So this is it? 

I sold my soul for this?


Washed my hands of that for this?


I miss my mom and dad for this?

The Confessions of an Addicted People Pleaser

A month ago, I sank to an all new low.

In the busiest season of my life (huge project at work, book deadline, serving at The Porch, family, friends, attempts to sleep), I couldn't juggle all of it. I felt stuck in the middle of a tug of war, unable to make anyone happy. I was miserable. Maybe that's an understatement.

Jesus Calling

Turns out I am an addicted people-pleaser, even more so since facing rejection with school and jobs in the past couple of years. Crazy how seemingly good intentions can be a breeding ground for unrecognized addiction. But that's no excuse.

I want to make my friends happy by spending time with them and building memories. I want to make my family happy, realizing that they are the ones who are constant. I want to spend more time on the phone with my best friends who live across the country. I want spend more time talking to the girl who needs someone to walk with her through a struggle. I want to invest energy in work so that I can support my team and my boss. I want to write books that encourage and challenge people.

(I also want to sleep.)

Somewhere in the midst of doing all that stuff, all of which is great, I lose myself and the need to please becomes an idol. And I cease to be still and remember He is God(Psalm 46:10).

The last couple of weeks, I've sought to be intentional with changing my attitude when the need to please suffocates my joy. The key to failure is trying to please everyone, and it robs me of my effectiveness and energy to do what I am actually called to do: seek the face of Jesus, to love well, pursue holiness, and make God known. There is incredible freedom in remembering that the pressure is off and that it is not about me or what I have to DO, but about who He made me to BE and how I can best glorify Him. Whatever I set my hands to, I want to do with all my heart. I want to make an impact for the King, and pleasing others will become an added bonus (Col. 3:23)

When it becomes a heart issues, juggling all that is a joy and not a burden, an investment instead of taxing. And I'm getting there.

"But just as we have been approved by God to be entrusted with the gospel, so we speak, not to please man, but to please God who tests our hearts." (1 Thess. 2:4)

A Time to Retreat

It's been over a month since I posted. Over a month since I signed my contract. And two full months of craziness. This is the busiest season of my life, and it seems like the Lord decided to answer a whole lot of prayers all at once. 

Without the ability to take time off, my brain has existed in a constant state of scrambled eggs. I eat, sleep, and dream writing, editing, and my to-do list.

But this weekend, I tasted the sweet freedom of retreat. No writing, no editing. Just rest and fellowship. 

I am a member of a young adult group in Dallas called The Porch. Without fail every week I am in awe of the hearts of these young adults to change Dallas for Christ. 

I serve on one of several teams that keep the wheels turning every week. This past weekend, we decided to escape the traffic and city noise and distraction and just be still and be with one another. 

INCREDIBLE.

For the first time in a while, I realized and tasted what heaven will be like some day. We talked, we laughed, we worshipped...a lot, we prayed, we spent time in the Word. Most of it was impromptu which made it much sweeter. I heard stories that broke my heart and stories that made me want to cheer because of the goodness of God. I experienced the bonds of friendship grow stronger, iron sharpen iron. I learned personalities and passions and preferences that made me value all the more that we serve such a creative God.

Most of all, we dreamed about how to make the Porch better, how to be more effective, and how to change our city - one life at a time.

What does it look like for us to love well and lead well? What if changing Dallas starts with us? What if we are of one heart and mind, united in our purpose, and bold about the gospel of Jesus Christ?

Can 100 plus Porch volunteers change Dallas? 

Yes. It can start with us. I pray this weekend is just the beginning of beautiful things.

"All the believers were one in heart and mind. No one claimed that any of their possessions was their own, but they shared everything they had. With great power the apostles continued to testify to the resurrection of the Lord Jesus. And God’s grace was so powerfully at work in them all." Acts 4:32-33

Journey to Publication

It's official!!! After months of staying quiet about a potential contract, I have officially signed, dated, and mailed my 3 book contract with Charisma House.

Looking back on this journey, it is truly marked with the fingerprints of God's faithfulness.

- Rejected from grad school (spring 2009)
- Spent a year subbing and reapplying
- Lord closed the doors
- Moved back to Dallas in May 2010
- Met a writer and began attending a monthly writing group in June 2010
- Signed up for a local writing conference
- Last person admitted to the Fiction Writing Clinic
- Had to have 3 chapters for clinic, so I picked a story idea and wrote 3 chapters which later turned into this book!!
- Invited to join the Christian Writer's Guild Craftsman program
- Last person admitted to class
- Began in December 2010 with my mentor, DiAnn Mills

- Went to a conference in February 2011 and met with interested agents and editors, including one from Charisma House (who later instigated this deal)
- Went to a residency with Jerry B. Jenkins, DiAnn Mills, and Doc Hensley in April 2011
- Finished the manuscript by September  2011 and began A LOT of edits
- Finished the class in December - the exact education I would have received in grad school with the benefit of a Christian mentor and author
- Went back to February conference in 2012. Met my agent and the editor from the previous conference
-Signed with Sarah Joy Freese through WordServe Literary Agency in Spring 2012
- Submitted A LOT of manuscripts
- Began talking to Charisma House at the end of October 2012
- Received a letter of intent from Charisma House in November
- Signed the contract for a 3 book deal on January 14, 2013
- First manuscript due on February 1, 2013!!!

There was a time at the end of 2009 where I really questioned the Lord's goodness and sovereignty. I was doing good things and involved and growing. Why didn't He choose to bless me according to my plans? Good grief, if I knew the journey He would take me on over the past 3 years, I never would have doubted. His ways are not my ways, and His thoughts are not mine. They are light years better!

Looking back at this journey, I cannot claim credit for ANY of it. He orchestrated every step! Over the course of the last few years, my life verse has become Psalm 46:10, "Be still and know that I am God, I will be exalted in the nations, I will be exalted in the earth." Being still didn't mean passively standing by. I constantly prayed that the Lord would align my heart with His, and then I moved forward in faith. He doesn't promise to give us what we want. He does promise to use us if we are obedient and faithful, and again, that isn't always in a way that is comfortable. But He gets so much glory!!

I pray that you stick with me as the Lord continues to craft my story here. I can't wait to share sneak peaks and updates as we move toward publication in January 2014!!

Silent Vigil

Family Christmas’ in Chama, NM

Peering out the window, the glass

foggy from my breath, I spot

the peaks of the San Juan Mountains

in the distance, shrouded by

a wintry haze. Cottonwoods

stretch their branches in

the field across the cement

lot. I follow the icy

tufts as they fall, twirling

and fluttering to thicken

the frosty blanket covering

the ground where

crunching leaves no longer

sound. Fire toasting my back

begs to melt the ground

outside the window, smeared

from my fingers clearing the

view. Outside, my wooden friends

bend and shudder under the

imposing burden of snowflakes

and ice. Their bark, dry and cracked,

reaches upward, clawing,

begging, pleading, praying for relief,

warmth, and for budding blossoms

to form a green shaggy

mane on barren limbs. What diligence

it must take to praise their Creator

unconditionally, arms stretched

upwards towards an ivory

dusted sky.

Written January 27, 2009

2013 Word of the Year

One word can change the course of a person's life. By definition, this change requires dedication, commitment, and a strength derived from a source greater than ourselves.

I once heard that "Growing is not being satisfied, but to always be pushing yourself." I would amend that slightly. I would say that I am content with who I am, but I am not satisfied or content to remain there. A new year means a fresh opportunity to change and grow. My word for 2012 was COURAGE. This year, I want to build on what the Lord showed me last year. For 2013, my word is...

Savor

...each moment and opportunity.

... the ability to celebrate a ton of weddings with close friends this year.

... celebrate God's goodness, even when I don't understand circumstance.

... time with my family.

... the ability to go, do, and be.

... every new person, place, and opportunity.

... the process of writing a new book.

... the time to rest and the time to be busy.

... the growing pains at work.

... each season as an opportunity to do fun things with my community group.

... each new relationship.

... every opportunity to serve and love others.

... a growing relationship with the Lord.

... every opportunity to make a difference or influence.

... the chance to slow down and enjoy life.

... laughter, love, and living life to the full as the Lord called us to.

          

In 2012, the Lord began to show me what it looks like to live abundantly and make the most of every opportunity. I want to put that lesson into practice in 2013. I am so incredibly excited for this year. I have a huge tendency to always look for the next thing. I stay busy and rush and see how quickly I can accomplish something and move on to the next latest and greatest challenge. Part of that is who I am. Part of it needs to change.

I want to take time to "stop and smell the roses" as my mom says. I don't want to miss the joys of this year. God is so good, and He calls His people to have a heart of praise. I lose track of that fact in my busyness. This year looks like it will be one of the craziest of my life, but I'm ready for it.

Bring it on 2013! Let the adventure begin.