Thursday, October 8, 2009

My 2.5 Week Challenge

I think God often laughs at me. Seriously, I think He does. I seem to have a problem with thinking that I know it all and He is constantly laughing, shaking His head, and gently saying, "Sweetheart, you can't even begin to fathom the plans I have for you. Stop trying to figure it out and stop thinking that you know what is best for you. I have something so much better in mind." When I started leading this Endeavor group through my church, (Endeavor is a group of sophomore leaders that I am co-leading to teach them leadership skills and equip and encourage them to lead small group freshmen Bible studies)I prayed that God would use me, but I really didn't think that He was going to teach me much. That was my first mistake. God seems to teach me humility in spades...and I am so glad that He does.

This past week in Endeavor we discussed solitude. If you have been keeping up with me at all, you will understand when I say that stillness and solitude are not my strongest abilities. In the past few years of college, I have grown very uncomfortable with stillness. I have this mistaken notion that if I am relaxing I am missing out on something I should be completing, and so even when I am relaxing, I am working. This is a huge problem. This week, I realized that I suffer from "hurrying disease" and I must ruthlessly eliminate it from my life. I do not like the quiet because it offers time to think about things that I frankly just do not want to deal with. But, I was reminded this last Sunday that "I can't go faster than the One who is leading" as our book said, and if I try, I miss out on the things He wants to teach me in the quiet and still moments of my life.

Again, it comes back to being still. So, we challenged our Endeavor leaders to practice solitude and eliminating hurry from their lives in some form or fashion over the next two weeks. So for the next two and half weeks (since I will miss a Sunday with them) I am committing and challenging myself to practice solitude and remember the beauty that comes in the stillness. I am committing to seeing how God moves and what He wants to teach me in the quiet, unhurried moments of my life. So I will deliberately turn the TV and radio off more and spend some time every day journaling on top of my time with the Lord. Last night, I spent an hour doing this and it was a sweet time of fellowship with my Savior. But it was not an easy thing and I was constantly thinking about what I had to do and about what movie I wanted to watch as I finished up a few things. So we will see what God does. After all, if I can't be still enough to hear Him in the quiet, how in the world can I expect to discern His voice in the chaos of my life?

Listening for His voice,

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