Asking God "Why?"

Four years ago, I stood alone in my apartment raging at the Lord, asking Him "why?" Why did He allow this? Did He not care about me? Why did I feel such incredible pain and rejection? Why did I feel all alone?

This morning, I stood in my room getting ready for work, struggling with the same question after receiving an email about friends in a heart-wrenching situation. "Why? Sometimes I just don't understand."

I was thankful to discover this morning that my questions didn't come laced with bitterness and anger as they did four years ago. I think at one point I bought into the lie that God is a genie in a bottle that gives me good things and when he doesn't, there's something wrong with Him and He doesn't care about me. I never, ever would have admitted that was what I thought. Man, reading that now, it reeks of pride and entitlement. God doesn't owe me anything.

So this morning when I don't know what to pray and every encouragement or sentiment seems trite in light of this tragedy, I pray the only thing I know is consistent. I pray scripture.

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD. Is. 55:8

The LORD is good, a refuge in times of trouble. He cares for those who trust in him. Nah. 1:7

The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. Psalm 34:18 

Brothers and sisters, we do not want you to be uninformed about those who sleep in death, so that you do not grieve like the rest of mankind, who have no hope. 1 Thess. 4:13

My bitterness years ago was more an indication of my heart than God's heart. His character has never wavered since before He created man and called us the pinnacle of His creation. What strikes me is that He called us that knowing that we would reject Him, question Him, and run from Him.

The thing I've learned is that God's goodness is not measured by my circumstances or feelings. It is based on His unwavering character and it is woven throughout His word. The same book that says He is sovereign and good when bad things strike is also the same book that says He is comforter, healer, peace, joy, and that He is about His glory. That also means that anything that comes our way is for our good, even suffering.

Does that taste bitter? I know it does to me. How the heck is losing a child or a spouse or contracting a deadly disease for our good? I can only tell you what I have seen and heard, and without a doubt, those people who claim the name of Christ and walk through those circumstance emerge like gold in that refining. It sucks. It feels like their hearts are physically being ripped from their bodies. But HE IS DOING SOMETHING BEAUTIFUL in the mess and tragedy.

I can't prove it to you. The thing about arguing the goodness of God is that you don't believe it until you CHOOSE to taste and see that He is good, blessed is the man who trusts in Him (Psalm 34:8). If your world is crashing in, try reaching out to Jesus. He is a Father that comforts, renews, restores, and walks through the trials with us. My suspicion is that if you are in the midst of a storm, you have nothing to lose. His character has never been disputed by those who walk with Him.

As I stood before my mirror this morning, aching for the pain my friends are experiencing, I was comforted by this: that my why is not a question of God's character but more confusion and anticipation of how God is going to restore this incredibly broken situation for something beautiful. I am CHOOSING to trust Him, because I know He is trustworthy. Will you?

Five Minute Friday - Together

I've never accomplished a significant task on my own, and I've never experienced a significant moment without people dear to me nearby.

It's the moment a song we wrote as fourteen-year-olds becomes a song we can still sing together in our twenties and the coffee dates span years of acne and immaturity to young adulthood.

It's the people I learned to march in sync with. The ones who knew the bitterness of defeat and the sweetness of a state championship.


It's the crew who taught me to love and laugh and be at home in a west Texas town so foreign to my city roots.

It's the strangers who became family and taught me how to open my heart again. The ones who loved me at my worst and encouraged me back to my best.

It's the ladies who stuck out tough conversations, breakups, fights, and built solid friendships that we call COMMUNITY.

It's the team who serves by my side every Tuesday night, pushing me to be better, love well, be strong, and never shy away from the tough conversations.

It's the women walking a new stage of life with me now, never afraid to ask the tough questions that make me search my heart and lean into the Lord.

It's the team of mentors, professors, agents, and editors who believe in me and work to make my dream a reality to touch lives with my passion.

It's the family who's always been there and knows my heart well. The church family that raised me. The one that stands by me now.

My life is shaped by the beauty of people's influence. Life is better TOGETHER.

Linking up with a fun group of writers over at Lisa-Jo's.

What Makes Me Love Jesus More

I'm convinced that smog doesn't just clog the air of Dallas, Texas. It clogs my mind as well. The constant fast pace, emails, and traffic soundtrack leave my brain frazzled and desperate for a quiet place.

More than ever, this year I've discovered that escaping the city to the great outdoors makes me love Jesus more. I can't even explain the joy that fills me when I get outside the high rises. It's pretty bad when a writer is short on words. But without fail, I understand the words of Jesus that He came to give us life to the full (John 10:10). My heart is full, my joy uncontained. I want to dance, sing praise to my Creator, have a conversation with someone I love, write and let my passion spill on the page.

My job is to create. Maybe that's why I relate best in my Creator's handiwork. I see the beauty that I wish I could capture in words. I see the natural way of things, without the glitz and glam of advertisements attempting to sell a product. I see the sunset, the light filter through the trees, the color of the leaves, and I'm home.

As my wheels beat a path away from Dallas or I take flight in a 747 to some pre-planned location, the burden lifts. Idaho stole my heart a few weeks ago as I took walks, went on a hike, and spent hours outside gathered around heaters with chili and fun conversation. This time outside my routine refreshed my soul.

I understand a little more why Jesus escaped the crowds and the city to get alone with God in the wilderness (Mark 1:35). Can you imagine what it looked like back then? No trash. No pollution. No mark of humanity. Just nature in all its raw beauty. I imagine He felt close to his Father as I feel when I escape for just a brief time. I find that on my way back, my heart finds a new sense of peace to make war in the city God has placed me in. I'm prepared. I'm learning the quiet doesn't come from outer stimulation but inner contentment, the peace that passes understanding because I know who I am and who my King is (Philippians 4:7).

So, I hit the big city, and I'm no longer a slave to my outlook calendar and smart phone clock. I'm a servant of the King making the most of every opportunity.

And I'm more in love with Jesus than when I left.

What makes you love Jesus more?

Shaken Cover Reveal and Release Date

After years of working on this project, I am very excited to announce that it's almost a reality! Shaken, book 1 in the Heart of a Warrior series, hits shelves and e-readers on February 4, 2014.

Shaken is the story of a Kaylan Richards, a young woman who gives up her childhood dreams for a calling to go to Haiti. After a few short weeks, she falls in love with the people, but then the earthquake strikes. Left to pick up pieces of broken lives, Kaylan wrestles with the goodness of God as she returns home to Alabama. But she never counted on Navy SEAL, Nick Carmichael. Can Nick show Kaylan the God who never abandoned her or will the earthquake shake even the most rooted faith?

I can't wait to share the story of Kaylan and Nick, a story of brokenness, hope, and love. And you may even discover that I'm a bit of a closet romantic.

You can pre-order now on Amazon.

The Problem with Singleness and Why the Label is Stupid

"Only fear the Lord and serve him faithfully with all your heart. For consider what great things he has done for you." 1 Samuel 12:24

I swore off dating books when I was 16. I won't touch one and and I definitely don't recommend them. Why? Because without fail, all of them push a particular opinion or method of doing things. So, I've been thinking a lot about culture and labels and what the Bible has to say about different seasons of life, and I gotta be honest, this label that we call "singleness" is pretty stupid.

When asked to describe myself during an ice breaker in a new group of people, I never, not once, think to introduce myself as single. Instead, I think in terms of roles I play - daughter, big sister, friend, granddaughter, niece, cousin, employee, volunteer. Being "single" is not a ROLE I play but a cultural LABEL assigned to me, and I refuse to utilize it.

I think we have treated singleness all wrong. Think about it: our grandparents often married right out of high school. Our parents, right out of college. And my generation? Well, we seem to marry later and later. You can argue good, bad, or indifferent, but I'm going to leave that debate alone. The point is, the church had to figure out where to put this growing group of not married people, so we slapped the "single" label on them and then started tip-toeing around them, unsure what to do or how to teach this new group.

I've gotta be honest...this singleness label, if we aren't careful, makes this life stage very much about "ME." And our singles groups in church become meat markets or support groups instead of discipleship opportunities.

Let's be real. The Bible doesn't really specify the difference in how you are to act if you are single as opposed to how you are to act if you are married (besides defining those roles). It does call us to pursue holiness. It doesn't give us a list of what to do/not do when we are dating. But it does tell us what purity looks like and the characteristics of a godly man or woman. Bottom line: the Bible calls believers to BE FAITHFUL. Period. No room for debate. It may look different depending on your season of life, but the call is the same.

See, singleness, when not approached correctly makes this season focused on waiting and wondering. But that is all wrong. "Single" and "married" are labels. Daughter, sister, wife, mom those are roles we are called to fill that focus on a relationship instead of an individual. When we approach those roles correctly, we are focused on impacting and loving others for the kingdom, not waiting on prince charming to ride through. Right now, I define myself as a young adult with an ability to reach my generation because I understand them. When I get married, my new label of "married" doesn't change that God has called me to be faithful. My new ROLE as a wife and eventually a mom will redefine what being faithful looks like.

Don't get me wrong. I am looking forward to getting married and raising a family. Cannot wait. But clearly the Lord and I have a different time table, and that is totally fine. God wired us to be relational, with him first and then with others. No matter my season of life, I want to build those relationships instead of focusing on the "lack" of a significant other. Just as a side note, faithfulness doesn't guarantee marriage. Instead, it's an overflow of a heart set on eternity that recognizes that Jesus is enough, even if you never walk the aisle or say "I do."

Here's a message to all the ladies out there. Get up off your butt. Quit waiting, and jump in the game. BE FAITHFUL. You have huge opportunities right now to go, do, and be that you may never have again. Make the most of them. Years ago, the guy would come calling on the girl in her sitting room and ask about the weather and her family. He'd wait a few months, approach her dad, and then marry her. But her life revolved around waiting for him to call. While I think we have lost a lot of the beauty of pursuit by the man as God intended, there is something to be said for girls not waiting around. Ladies, may he find you running hard in pursuit of Christ, not sitting around twiddling your thumbs and wondering when he is coming.

And guys, find a girl who is running after Jesus with all her heart, and don't be intimidated by that! If you aren't where she is at, quit moaning or feeling inferior. Man up, grow up, and catch up. If she is running that hard after Christ, then be a man who desires to run right next to her if not slightly in front of her. You are fully capable! Stop thinking you can't, and dive all into your relationship with Jesus. Let him make you the man you need to be, not just for her, but for His glory.

Singleness is a societal, cultural label that is just very stupid to me. I don't want this season to be about ME. Single or married, I want to be defined by my role in the relationships in my life and how well I am loving others and pointing them to Jesus. No matter my marital status, I want to be faithful. If you are in this season, dive in with me and let's run together.

I realize there are a lot of layers to this topic. Feel free to chime in. This is solely based on conversations I've had in the past few months. End of soap box.

A Season of Change

I tend to view my life in chapters, which probably isn't a real shocker since I'm a writer. But this year of my life doesn't seem to have a clear cut pattern with the exception of one word - change.

Without a doubt, I am a creature of habit, and while some change is exciting, change that rocks my world in every area really challenges me.

Since my last post, I've moved to an apartment in the city. With a new location has come changes in relationships, schedules, and habits. I've accepted the invitation to join another community group as my current group prepares to transition into a new season. My first book is receiving the final touches and book 2 is heavy on my mind.

All of these changes are great, but I'm so overwhelmed. This is a year of curve balls from the Lord, and I feel like I have to make a daily conscious decision to just roll with each pitch. Definitely a year of chipping off rough edges and reshaping this piece of clay.

It's so hard to release control of plans and hopes and desires. It's so hard to balance the good things and say "no" in favor of better things. It's hard to let go.

I feel very scattered and out of control, but isn't that where Jesus likes us best? He is peace in the chaos, shelter in the storm, constant in the change, faithful in providing, present in the loneliness, direction in the fog.

He is SOVEREIGN.

That's the trait I am coming to understand in a greater way this year. It isn't this emotional characteristic. It's powerful. He works all things for my good, continually aligning my heart with His so that His desires become Mine. It somehow makes the change make sense.

I'm half way through the year, and I have no idea what to expect. I'm learning to daily trust His hand and savor the moments He gives me. And I might just be thankful when my life attains some sense of normalcy or familiarity again. But regardless, I'm letting go and trusting He knows my heart as this chapter continues.

Learning to Listen

My world is loud. My email constantly demands my attention - three different accounts for three different reasons. My job revolves around communication and social media, the deadly noise of an electronic culture.

We've forgotten the value of letters and phone calls, the connection that comes with face to face. We've forgotten how to have a conversation longer than 140 characters, and we sure don't remember the bond developed by vocally sharing the depth of our thoughts, our hearts.

I remember a crowded beach in California. Surfers rode the waves, entertainers lined up around the boardwalk, and this misplaced Texas girl walked with my group enjoying the show. About sunset, I found myself alone near the water, the waves roaring in to kiss the shore over and over. All other noise dissipated, and I truly listened.

I see my Creator in the waves and the ocean - His power, His gentle nature, His vastness, His beauty. And I can hear His still small voice in the waves that lap the sand, asking me to drown out the other noise and just listen. He speaks in the quiet moments. He answers when I truly surrender.

With no beach nearby, I'm learning to find my ocean moments in the roar of the big city. He speaks most when I commit to listen. And I'm tired of the noise. I'm sitting on the shore, listening to His voice whisper in the waves.

Linking up with other writers at Lisa-Jo's today!